Break Up Process

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All good things must come to an end ~ Geoffrey Chaucer

People believe that a break up is simple; you cry for a week then move on.  Is that the case for everyone?  Do you run to another guy/girl after exiting a relationship?  Do you take another drink or eat yourself to death? When the relationship comes to an end, what should I do?

Many will agree that the breakup process is just like the grieving process, it involves: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Time heals all wounds, I must agree, but my length of time will not be yours, as such, you and I shouldn’t rush another person when they are going through this phase.

There is so much on your mind when you go through a break-up.  After doing my research I came to the conclusion that the length of time taken to accept the separation and move on depends on the level of love and appreciation you had for your partner.  I mean, look at it, if your mind and body was deeply enrooted within someone would it take a day or a week to uproot and move somewhere else?

Healthy Healing

Going through a break-up is not just hitting the gym and posting on Instagram and Snapchat your gains, with high hopes that your ex will see it and be jealous nor is it a case where you sit at home with a tub of ice- cream listening sad songs or watching sad movies. 

Consider the following tips as it relates to healthy healing:

1. Time heals all wounds– Do not give yourself a deadline or expiration date for your feelings, take as much time as needed to grief.  The pain will heal with time; don’t be afraid to show it, confine yourself to your comfort only.  Take the time to cry; force the pain from your system.

2. Confide in someone you trust – Going through a breakup can make the strongest soldier feel worthless, exposed and vulnerable.  Surround yourself, at this point, with people who make you feel whole and appreciated.  Speak with someone who will listen to you even if he/she doesn’t say anything.  A listening ear is mandatory not optional.

3. Delete the evidence – You know the saying, “out of sight, out of mind?” well, it is used in situations like this.  Get rid of all correspondence that includes your ex or might remind you of your ex.  That includes emails, text messages, call logs.  If you hear a song that reminds you of your ex, stop listening to it.  You are not “boo’d up” anymore.  It’ll feel cathartic and allow you to heal healthier.

4. Appreciate the ‘alone time’ – See the breakup as a blessing, you are now free to know, grow and love yourself.  Experience life on your own and accept challenges that will grow you mentally, physically and emotionally.  Give yourself an honest appraisal and take the time to review and work on as needed.

5. Trust the process – see the positive in every negative situation.  Good things come disguised as bad and vice versa.  Trust that this is same for you.  Evaluate the good things and bad things about your relationship and see what you will accept in the next relationship versus what you will not stand for. 

Take the time to heal properly after a break-up, the idea of a week or two is repulsive; there is no better time for a total life transformation and growth except for same.  Understand your goals, values, and morals and put yourself first, let it show, let it be known.  That way, the next time someone comes around, you’ll be aware of your needs and he/she to you.  You’ll be conscious of what you want and deserve and will not settle for less.

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